Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:
وَعلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
“…but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis.” (2:233)
In Islamic Law, the father is commanded to provide for the mother and child in a fair and reasonable manner, even after divorce. It highlights the importance of maintaining familial ties and ensuring the well-being of children, who are a trust from Allah. The Qur’an further emphasizes:
لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّآ ءَاتَاهُ اللَّهُ
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease.” (65:7)
This principle lays the foundation for a balanced and just approach to post-divorce responsibilities, ensuring that the rights of both parents and children are upheld.
The Problem: Denial of Access to Children
In the aftermath of a marital breakdown, children often become pawns in the conflict between parents. While both parents are equally responsible for the welfare of their children, the reality is that they often do not have equal power when it comes to custody and access. In many societies, including the UK, the mother is typically granted custody, while the father faces significant challenges in maintaining a relationship with his children.
This imbalance has led to widespread abuse, with some mothers using their custodial rights to deny fathers access to their children. In extreme cases, fathers are completely cut off from their children, forced to navigate a lengthy and costly legal process to secure visitation rights. This process can take months or years, during which the children suffer the emotional trauma of being separated from their father.
The situation is further exacerbated when mothers obstruct court-ordered contact, leaving fathers with little recourse. This not only harms the father-child relationship but also has long-term psychological effects on the children, who are caught in the crossfire of their parents’ conflict.
The Islamic Perspective on Parental Rights and Responsibilities
Islam places great emphasis on the rights of children and the responsibilities of parents. The Qur’an and Sunnah provide clear guidance on maintaining family ties and ensuring the well-being of children, even in the event of divorce.
- The Right of the Child to Both Parents:
Islam recognises that children have a natural right to both parents. The Prophet (SAW) said:
“One will not enter Paradise if he/she cuts off relations with relatives.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
This Hadith highlights the importance of maintaining family ties, including the bond between a child and their father. Denying a child access to their father is not only a violation of the father’s rights but also a grave sin that harms the child.
- The Prohibition of Severing Family Ties:
The Qur’an warns against severing family ties, stating:
أَفَتَأْخُذُونَهُ وَأَنْتُمْ ظَالِمُونَ
“Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and cut off your ties of kinship?” (47:22)
This verse serves as a powerful reminder that cutting off family ties is a form of injustice and disobedience to Allah.
- The Responsibility of Both Parents:
Both parents are obligated to raise their children in a loving and nurturing environment. The Prophet (SAW) said:
“Do not turn away from your fathers, for he who turns away from his father will be guilty of committing an act of disbelief.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
This Hadith highlights the importance of the father-child relationship and the sin of severing it.
The Consequences of Denying Access
The denial of a father’s access to his children has far-reaching consequences, both for the individuals involved and for society as a whole. Studies have shown that children who grow up without a father are more likely to experience emotional and behavioural problems, struggle academically, and face challenges in forming healthy relationships.
For fathers, the emotional toll of being separated from their children can be devastating. Tragically, some fathers are driven to extreme measures, including suicide, as a result of being denied access to their children. A 2010 report in the UK found that 94.8% of non-resident parents who committed suicide were fathers.
The Role of the Courts and Society
The legal system plays a crucial role in addressing this issue. However, the current framework often fails to enforce contact orders, leaving fathers with little recourse. Judges are often reluctant to penalise mothers who breach contact orders, fearing that it may harm the children. This reluctance sends a dangerous message that such behaviour is acceptable, further perpetuating the problem.
In the UK, groups like Fathers for Justice, Families Need Fathers and MFSF (Muslim Fathers Support Forum) have emerged to advocate for the rights of non-resident parents. These organisations highlight the need for legal reforms to ensure that both parents have equal access to their children. Also, the fact that a Muslim fathers group (MFSF) exists tells you about the problem we face as an Ummah.
A Call to the Muslim Community
The Muslim community must also address this issue within its own ranks. Denying a father access to his children is contrary to Islamic teachings and values. It is a form of emotional abuse that harms the children and violates the rights of the father.
Parents must remember that their actions have both worldly and spiritual consequences. The Prophet (SAW) warned: “Allah will not look at three (types of) people on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is undutiful to his parents, the one who reminds others of his favours, and the one who persists in false speech.” (Muslim)
By denying a father access to his children, a mother not only harms her children but also risks incurring the displeasure of Allah.
The issue of divorced wives denying access to children’s fathers is a complex and deeply emotional problem that requires a balanced and just approach. Islam provides clear guidance on the rights and responsibilities of both parents, emphasising the importance of maintaining family ties and ensuring the well-being of children.
As a community, we must work to uphold these values and advocate for reforms that protect the rights of both parents and children. Let us remember the words of Allah:
سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْراً
“Allah will grant after hardship, ease.” (65:7)
May Allah guide us to act justly and compassionately, and may He protect our children from harm. Ameen.
